Toddlers on the Loose

Dear Parents:

Letting your toddler run loose in a restaurant does indeed spare you the cost of child care while you are out for dinner, but did you ever think that the rest of us may not think your little darling is either as charming, cute, or precocious as you and Grandma and Grandpa do? Please stifle the little goober. Some think that children should be seen and not heard. I would extend that further. Children should only be seen or heard when under the care of a responsible adult. Obviously, you need not apply.

Curmudgeoningly yours,

Uncle Carlitude